Starting a relationship with someone is always exciting, getting to know each other, finding out their past and the things they want in the future. But starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar can be pretty daunting.
Firstly, let me be the first to admit that I knew absolutely nothing about Bipolar before I met my wife. But, I was willing to learn everything there was to know so that we could make our relationship work. Here is my step by step advice for starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar:
Step 1: Do your research
The word Bipolar is thrown around so nonchalantly that it seems to have lost its meaning. You hear things like ‘oh my god, she is so bipolar’ when someone is referring to someone in a bad mood. When I had no idea about the illness, that wasn’t something I would have taken much notice of, now that I know bipolar inside and out, I will fight to the death to make people understand it, and the impact it can have on peoples’ lives. If you stand any chance of understanding how your partner feels you have got to read up on it, trust me, it makes it easier for you and them in the long run.
Step 2: Know the signs
When you have done your research you will know the signs to look out for, it could be something subtle like speaking faster than usual, or obsessively cleaning, not being able to stop. Now, for someone without Bipolar, that isn’t a problem, but if you see that your partner can not switch off then it might (not always) be a sign that something isn’t quite right.
Each individual is an individual, so their signs may be different to other people. Notice, listen and watch to learn the signs but you know them better than anyone so trust your gut.
Step 3: Be Patient
Just because you have noticed the signs, it doesn’t mean that your partner has. You have to be able to talk to your partner and tell them what you are noticing without sounding accusing, or patronising. Even though you know you are telling them to try and stop it before it gets bad, they may not take it in that way and push back. Patience is key.
Step 4: Sleep is your best friend
Even though when starting a new relationship, you want to stay up for hours talking or doing… whatever, trust me when I say, it’s not good to keep your partner awake for hours. Sleep is so important when managing Bipolar!
So is routine, so respect that they need to keep to their plans or what they do on a daily basis. It can be frustrating but it makes their lives easier a lot of the time.
Step 5: Be ready to make tough decisions
Myself and my partner are lucky enough to have an excellent mental health team that we can call if needed in an emergency. If needed you have to be ready to make the decision to seek medical help if your partner isn’t willing to do so. This is going to be the hardest thing you will probably ever have to do but it could save your partner and your relationship.
And finally…
If you are not willing to put your partners health before your own interests… maybe you should rethink.
All of this doesn’t mean that you can not have a ‘normal’ relationship, it just means that you have to be aware, and please remember that Bipolar is NOT your partner’s identity. I have a beautiful, thoughtful, patient, intelligent wife who has one university degree and is well on her way to her second, that just so happens to have Bipolar. #hasbipolarnotisbipolar
Bipolar & My Wife 
I think it’s difficult for people because in some instances one person may end up feeling like a caretaker if their partner doesn’t have a lot of motivation. There’s a tricky balance here, and I think the person with the mental health struggle also has a huge role to play in recognizing when their partner is getting tired or irritated or if they have a need that isn’t being met because all the attention is going to the mental health stuff. That’s the inconsistency I was met with in my previous relationship, at least. I focused so much on my struggle that it was difficult to see anything outside of that. Since I’m on a better track now, I am more in tune with my partner’s needs too. We only have on daunting struggle left: his family lmao. Anyway, great post. Thanks for sharing.
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Hi, thank you! I think it’s normal to get frustrated and irritated sometimes, it’s just human nature, it’s just a case of remembering that your partner hasn’t asked for this illness and we have to try and be as understanding as we can, and they have to be understanding when we don’t find it as easy as we would like. In regards to the family being the latest struggle, keep an eye out for my next post, I think you will understand perfectly!
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Agreed. Things go two ways in relationships and both partners must be willing to be understanding toward each other. My schizoaffective may be difficult, but that shouldn’t prevent me from being sensitive toward my partner. What a journey it is with mental health! And I will!
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