Tag: starting a relationship with someone with bipolar

When you think it’s all going so well… a global pandemic throws a spanner in the works

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So firstly I feel like I need to apologise for the misleading title of my blog, it’s called bipolar & my wife but we are not actually married yet.

We got engaged on 24th June 2018 on the sea front which was honestly the best day of my life.

If you’ve read my other posts you will already know the rocky road it has taken to get to this point. If you haven’t read my previous posts (shame on you!) let me break it down into bullet points and get you up to speed.

Age 17 – thought I might be gay.

Age 17 to 23 – took lots of drugs and drank a lot of alcohol to ignore the fact that I might be gay

Age 23 – planned my suicide and wrote my note, put on medication and tried to get better

Age 25 – Accepted I was a massive gay

Age 25 and a half – Downloaded an app called project toe to speak with people that might understand or be able to give some advice. Met a girl on there that lived just 15 miles away. Met, fell in love and moved in.

Age 26 and a half – asked her parent for the blessing to marry her, they told me no and accused my partner of being ill

Age 27 – got secretly engaged, told her family after 2 months and they didn’t speak to us for a year.

Ok, you are all caught up… I did warn you that our road was rocky! So we planned our wedding, count down was on 591 days and counting! We counted down the years, then the months and then the weeks.

5 weeks before our wedding: our family business floods from the crazy weather we had in February, worked non stop to try and get back up and running. Finally got to a good place and we could look forward to our wedding again.

3 weeks before our wedding: 26 people have dropped out

11 days before our wedding: the country is put on lockdown meaning all of that waiting and excitement was gone. Our wedding has been cancelled. This was the hardest and most heartbreaking thing to happen after the fight we had been through just to be together, it was all for nothing.

Except it wasn’t, we had to look for a silver lining in all of this happening, we had been so wrapped up in the wedding day being perfect, where the flowers were going, how many candles on the table, whether the hair and make up person was going to have enough time, making sure the menu was right. None of it mattered. In the few days before the lockdown we had a feeling that it was going to happen and all I could think was ‘I don’t care if I have to walk down the aisle in tracksuit bottoms, my hair a mess, no guests, no food. Just please let me marry her’

We evaluated what mattered in life, and for us it was that we were together.

Life is going to get unbelievably shit sometimes, trust me I know this more than most, but you have to find the good in it. If you don’t learn from it then it really will be for nothing.

One day I will marry my soulmate, I just have to wait a little bit longer than I expected.

Everyone needs to look at what’s important in these crazy times, look after yourselves and your families and just stay safe.

Starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar

soppymags3 Comments

Starting a relationship with someone is always exciting, getting to know each other, finding out their past and the things they want in the future. But starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar can be pretty daunting.

Firstly, let me be the first to admit that I knew absolutely nothing about Bipolar before I met my wife. But, I was willing to learn everything there was to know so that we could make our relationship work. Here is my step by step advice for starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar:

Step 1: Do your research

The word Bipolar is thrown around so nonchalantly that it seems to have lost its meaning. You hear things like ‘oh my god, she is so bipolar’ when someone is referring to someone in a bad mood. When I had no idea about the illness, that wasn’t something I would have taken much notice of, now that I know bipolar inside and out, I will fight to the death to make people understand it, and the impact it can have on peoples’ lives. If you stand any chance of understanding how your partner feels you have got to read up on it, trust me, it makes it easier for you and them in the long run.

Step 2: Know the signs

When you have done your research you will know the signs to look out for, it could be something subtle like speaking faster than usual, or obsessively cleaning, not being able to stop. Now, for someone without Bipolar, that isn’t a problem, but if you see that your partner can not switch off then it might (not always) be a sign that something isn’t quite right.

Each individual is an individual, so their signs may be different to other people. Notice, listen and watch to learn the signs but you know them better than anyone so trust your gut.

Step 3: Be Patient

Just because you have noticed the signs, it doesn’t mean that your partner has. You have to be able to talk to your partner and tell them what you are noticing without sounding accusing, or patronising. Even though you know you are telling them to try and stop it before it gets bad, they may not take it in that way and push back. Patience is key.

Step 4: Sleep is your best friend

Even though when starting a new relationship, you want to stay up for hours talking or doing… whatever, trust me when I say, it’s not good to keep your partner awake for hours. Sleep is so important when managing Bipolar!

So is routine, so respect that they need to keep to their plans or what they do on a daily basis. It can be frustrating but it makes their lives easier a lot of the time.

Step 5: Be ready to make tough decisions

Myself and my partner are lucky enough to have an excellent mental health team that we can call if needed in an emergency. If needed you have to be ready to make the decision to seek medical help if your partner isn’t willing to do so. This is going to be the hardest thing you will probably ever have to do but it could save your partner and your relationship.

And finally…

If you are not willing to put your partners health before your own interests… maybe you should rethink.

All of this doesn’t mean that you can not have a ‘normal’ relationship, it just means that you have to be aware, and please remember that Bipolar is NOT your partner’s identity. I have a beautiful, thoughtful, patient, intelligent wife who has one university degree and is well on her way to her second, that just so happens to have Bipolar. #hasbipolarnotisbipolar