When I started a relationship with my partner, we had to keep it quiet for a while, as my partner was so conscious of people, particularly her family thinking she was unwell. She was worried about people thinking she was rushing into things and making rash decisions (which is admittedly a sign – see my blog post – starting a relationship with someone with Bipolar).

This and other stresses put strain on our relationship, which caused a break up three months in (worst 4 days of my life I might add!).

The main reason for our break up was because both of us were still not 100% well, we were actually obsessed with each other which really wasn’t healthy. But, the other reason for our break up, at least on my part was that I felt hidden, I felt like she was ashamed to be with me and I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to tell her family about us.

When we got back together, everything changed. We took time to make ourselves better, which in turn made our relationship better.

We faced many challenges in our relationship, and most of them were because other people made my partner feel like she was unwell and that she couldn’t trust her own decisions.

That all came to a head when we got engaged and she finally was able to stick up for herself, she fought to prove she was more than capable of running her own life.

In that time, I had conversations with her family which made me feel that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t handle her illness. Well how could I? I was told many times that I hadn’t experienced my partner when she was ill, I was told that I don’t know anything and that I couldn’t comprehend what the family went through. I was told that perhaps I wasn’t stable enough myself. I felt like I had to apologise for not witnessing her in a manic state, I had to defend myself just for loving her.

I’m here to say, even though you might not have experienced your partner’s past episodes, that doesn’t mean you will not be there, carrying your fucking relationship and everything that matters to you on your back for every episode after.

You matter too, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.